open letter

Dear V-8,

I rarely buy your products simply because I prefer to chew my food, but I did buy some this week. I really appreciate your low sodium option. The regular stuff tastes like a salt-lick, but I digress. I know it’s really lazy of me, but I also like your little 5.5 oz cans because then I don’t have to get a glass dirty. That isn’t as lazy as it sounds because I don’t have a dishwasher. Okay, it’s still really lazy. But the cans are recyclable. I’m just not going to think about the level of sloth to which that takes me. Anyway, back to the point of my letter. It’s a well established fact that I struggle with the concept of “time”. Clocks aren’t my problem, because they always tell you “now”. I struggle with calendars ( Exhibit A, Exhibit B, Exhibit C) and frankly, your product packaging just doesn’t help me.

are you seeing this?

Look at that for a minute. I mean, really look at it. There are clearly 6 cans. I can name 7 different days in at least 4 languages. That may be all I can do in some of those languages, but that’s not really the point of my letter. I do understand that 6 is more convenient from a packaging standpoint, but please don’t call it a ‘weekly pack’ if you can’t cover each individual day of the week. Which day am I supposed to leave out of your shortened week? Mondays sort of need that extra boost. I feel bad for Tuesday because it’s basically the lamest day of the week (sorry). Sometimes it takes forever to get to Wednesday and you need some reinforcements. Other times, you need to celebrate because it feels like Wednesday showed up early (Sorry, Tuesday). Thursday has always been a personal favorite, for no particular reason. Maybe because I like the sound of it better than Tuesday (again, sorry). Friday has the ability to really drag itself out, but it’s also a cause for celebration. Saturday is busy, and you need some extra veggies. Sunday is more laid back, so you’re being health conscious. In case my right-brained argument is not enough to sway your cold, dead advertiser hearts, let me remind you that by packaging 8 cans, you can charge more money (even more than what you are charging for my convenience laziness). Or you can petition to overthrow the Gregorian calendar. As long as we lose a workday and not a weekend day. But not Tuesday. Tuesday stays (see Tuesday? Me and the Stones will stand up for you). If you do decide to go that way, allow me the honor of being the first to sign your petition.



P.S. Don’t forget about my challenge!


4 thoughts on “open letter

  1. Tuesday gets such a bad rap. Of course, I’m posting this on a Tuesday, and it’s a picture-perfect, GORGEOUS DAY outside, and I’m stuck in my windowless office. Man… I hate Tuesday.

    • It is a beautiful Tuesday! Well, it’s actually being sort of bipolar, but as long as it doesn’t hail like it did yesterday I’m a happy camper.

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