where I am

Do I want to continue running? Do I want to stop being an unhealthy person at a “healthy” size? Do I care enough about either of those things to change a damn thing I’m doing in my life?

I’m not providing answers here. I’m asking. Why am I looking to others to motivate me? Others can be inspiring, but motivation should be coming from within. Tomorrow is a running day for me. Why the hell does that sound just the same as if I said “Tomorrow I have a dentist appointment.” I saw the race photos from the Fremont 5K and I’m not pleased. I am not a particularly photogenic individual in the first place, and end-of-the-race photos are not flattering ever… but I looked really… thick. Not at all like what I thought I looked like.

So how about I let it eat away at my self confidence for 10 days or so and then we can see where I’m at.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I’m choosing to be self destructive for no other reason than because apparently it’s what I want. Gotta fix this pronto.


8 thoughts on “where I am

  1. Okay sounds like it’s time for me to come up there and the three of us (you me and Val) have a great run and a great conversation about why we self sabotage the crap out of ourselves.

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