Here’s my step by step guide.
- Go back in time and have a baby a few years ago. (Or find a woman & convince her to do this step for you)
- Fast forward to last week, when said baby is now a preschooler who has caught a little cold & despite your best efforts is convinced that you make an acceptable (and perhaps even preferable) alternative to Kleenex.
- Do not move quickly enough to defend yourself when said preschooler sneezes in your face.
- Incubate the “invisible enemies”* in your body for about a week.
- Wake up with an aching lower back, the inability to stop sneezing all day (5.1: thank God that you are diligent about Kegels even when you slack about other exercises because if you weren’t, today would have involved more costume changes than a Miley Cyrus extravaganza), and then some fever/chills flashes all day.
Sounds freaking awesome, right? I know you’re totally jealous right now. Not just jealous, but JEALOUS (see below)
Watch it until the end (or skip right to the 12 second mark) & you’ll understand. Hubs and I make the huge eyes & hiss “JEALOUS” at each other all the time. The higher level of ridiculousness, the better.
*The phrase ‘invisible enemies’ came from a book about germs that my husband had when he was growing up. I cannot for the life of me find the name of said book, but I desperately want a copy. It would have most likely been published some time in the 1970s. Can you help me find it?