I’m leavin’ on a jet plane

Actually, it’s going to be in a Subaru Outback, but I have yet to hear a catchy tune written about one of those.

We’re packing the car and heading out to the coast. My parents own a cabin out along the Pacific Coast Highway (aka 101) and we’ll be out there for the long weekend. Before you get jealous, this is a cabin in the woods. I do not use the word ‘cabin’ as a euphemism for ‘giant freaking palace’ in the woods. It’s tiny and has no running water or electricity. It is a cabin.

the cabin from '06 before restoration began

overgrown driveway

driveway attractions, there is now a tree growing out of what used to be the cab

It is one of my peaceful places to go when I’m feeling emotionally vulnerable. September 1st was the one year anniversary of my miscarriage. I have not completely healed emotionally from it. I’m not sure that I ever will. But I’m going out to my quiet cabin in the woods to feel like I can breathe again. I will come back to the city feeling more at peace, more connected to my family and myself, and more alive.

This is something that I have never talked about before, but maybe talking about it is what I need to do. I feel like there is some level of societal expectation that grief has an expiration date. Fuck society because here I am, a year later, and my heart is still broken. Running has been my crutch and my salvation and I’m struggling with not being able to run. Running is when I can remember that things happen for a reason, and that even if I don’t like it, this is the way it’s supposed to be.

I will be back. I will be stronger and I will feel better.


2 thoughts on “I’m leavin’ on a jet plane

  1. Hey, everyone grieves and heals in their own way, at their own pace. Don’t feel like you should “be over it” by now. You have every right to still feel heartbroken.

    Enjoy yourself at the cabin, I’m jealous! 🙂

  2. I didn’t know. I went through the same thing 2 months after you. The “main” first wave of grief passed fairly quickly for me, and I’m thankful. But it still hits me at random times and then whips me back to that first day, after I found out, so quickly it takes my breath away.

    So, yeah. What Brandon said. You grieve how YOU need to, in YOUR time and in YOUR way. It’s not about what anyone else thinks.

    Have a WONDERFUL, peaceful, FUN weekend. See you next week!

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