Help me help myself

Tara wrote an amazing post (as usual!) that got me thinking. Reaching out is incredibly hard. For me. And probably for some of you, too.

While we each walk our own path, our paths often lead us along the paths of others. We watch each other, we learn from each other, we teach each other. In our virtual community, we can lend our virtual hands to others when they stumble, and if we are lucky enough, those virtual friends become IRL friends.

For whatever reasons (and there are many), this time of year is emotionally tough for me. It actually starts in late August and doesn’t let up until New Year’s. My self preservation mode kicks in and I do the social equivalent of hibernating. As if that wasn’t entirely obvious from my oh-so-numerous blog posts in the last 2 1/2 months.

There’s also that minor detail that this blog is about my running. Which I’m not doing. I have run a grand total of 3 times since 9/26. That is not the stuff that running blogs are made of.

I have been entirely uninspired. And unmotivated. And locked into a nasty cycle of self-pity. Not just about big things, I mean everything. I don’t even want to be around myself some days. I have had glimmers of inspiration and motivation in the last (almost) ten weeks. But it seems to fizzle out like a match in thunderstorm. Normally, I could adhere to my ‘fake it ’til you make it’ approach but it just isn’t gonna happen this time of year. I’m probably just looking for an excuse to quit.

I can’t seem to keep the little tendrils of my aspirations alive on my own. I am slowly working on enriching the soil, my motivation, but I seem to have completely forgotten that for me, aspiration + motivation = nothing unless they are allowed to soak up the energy I get from keeping up with all of you, my inspiration.

I need you right now in a bad way. I don’t actually need you to do anything for me, just be there (wherever that may be). Okay, maybe send me an email if I disappear for weeks days on end. Time to come out of hiding.

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7 thoughts on “Help me help myself

  1. Hooray! I’m so glad you’re back. And you know my dumb text about not running in the cold? Ignore it. I will totally give it a try – what time Monday? Maybe later in the day to ease up on the oh-my-god-my-lungs-are-freezing factor?

    • I’m glad I didn’t see this until today. I was NOT in a mood to run yesterday morning. lol Snow makes me crabby in the morning. πŸ˜‰ Soon as it thaws, ok?

  2. *hands you another match*

    We’ll just keep trying to light the damn thing until the thunderstorm goes away. If that doesn’t work, I’ll bring a propane tank and some lighter fluid.

    Love you to freakin pieces and if I don’t see you and Val soon I’m going to bust a damn gut. Don’t make me bust a gut. It’s not pretty. In fact, it might hurt.

  3. *hands you another match*

    We’ll just keep trying to light the damn thing until the thunderstorm goes away. If that doesn’t work, I’ll bring a propane tank and some lighter fluid.

    Love you to freakin pieces and if I don’t see you and Val soon I’m going to bust a damn gut. Don’t make me bust a gut. It’s not pretty. In fact, it might hurt.

    • I don’t know that I could. I sometimes forget that no one else is judging me anywhere near as harsh as I am on myself. Thanks for stopping by, Ed. πŸ™‚

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