Dear Sir relieving yourself in the alley,

Please believe me when I say that there is no possible way you are anywhere near as sorry as I am that on a whim, I turned down that alley on my run. Might I suggest the next time you face this sort of emergency, you have the forethought to face toward the tree instead of into the alley? It’s too late for me, but I hope to spare someone else’s brain the scarring that mine has endured. 

-Concerned neighborhood runner

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