struggling

again. 

It’s a mental thing. Mostly. I mean, there is an element of running that is indeed physical. 

And yes, I do struggle with that element. My legs get heavy, my socks bunch up and my feet get tired. I push too hard in the beginning of runs and then I’m sucking air early in the run. My current physical issue is that my calves have been replaced by iron or cement or some other material completely lacking in give. It’s annoying for sure, but so far not insurmountable. RICE and rolling and whatnot.

No.

I’m struggling mentally with moving beyond what I consider to be my (current) limitations. It’s that whole stepping outside of my comfort zone. Which I understand is a challenge for everyone. For me, when the mental step outside of my comfort zone includes the guarantee of physical discomfort (however passing) it makes me dig in my mental heels and resist that leap of faith all the more. 

Last night was a crisis of faith for me. Faith in myself. Because when it comes down to it, that’s all that matters.

I have an amazing support system in my life. I’m blessed with people who love me, encourage me, believe in me. 

But right now I need to strengthen my belief in myself. The easiest way I can do that is by looking at past accomplishments. But when that well is running dry, it’s time to add new accomplishments to my list. 

I’m on my own in this because I need to be. 

Last night was hard. Today is better- and I can do this. 

Crisis averted.

Faith (in my ability to continue to move forward) restored. 

For now. 

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