hearing the mental ‘click’

I got home from school in a great mood yesterday. It was a beautiful sunset, in a way that cannot be replicated outside of the PNW. I was excited to bake my spaghetti squash and squeeze in a run while it was in the oven.

Before I managed to get the squash cut and in the oven I was reconnecting with my husband. We’ve both had usually busy schedules and we really haven’t been anything more than ships passing in the night. I’m not using ‘reconnecting’ as any type of euphemism; I haven’t had a real conversation with the man in over a week. Then suddenly it was 11:30 and I hadn’t eaten or run.

Hubs has a coworker that is on vacation, so he needed to go in to work this morning (on his day off) to take care of a few things and ended up staying for 5 hours. So my morning run became nonexistent. I spent the day trying to finish up last minute wedding details.

I found myself with an intense headache snapping at everyone and saying some really uncharitable things about my brother (never mind that my mom was saying the same things about him and she actually birthed the man-cub). He must have sensed my mood from across town because he called me to say that he really appreciated that I put together his wedding and that he wouldn’t have been able to do it without me. Darn tootin’, kid. That phone call literally stopped me in my tracks and forced me to really think about why I was so frustrated.

Can you guess why? Yeah, I missed my run. There’s that mental click. I’m frustrated that I don’t really have enough time to run tonight because then I just add more to my to-do list tomorrow. As I stated a couple of days ago, running is not a choice. Running wins. I can still get everything done in plenty of time. There will be extra help tomorrow anyway.

You know what else? I actually have a craving to run a speed workout. Being that the closest track requires a drive, I’m going to do block sprints. And I’m going to go until it’s too dark to see. Then I’ll bake that cake.

yesterday’s run and not making choices

I had my running date with Val yesterday and I had a blast! The day started off so cool that I thought I might have to bust out my early spring/late autumn running outfits. It all burned off and in some places it was actually quite warm. I capped it all off with a XXL green tea (no sugar of course) at the mermaid coffee shop.

Choice v. No choice

I’m not talking starches. I’m basically treating starches like meat: it might smell good and it might look good, but it’s not something that I eat. For the next 11 days. In all honesty, it’s not that big of deal.

What I’m really talking about is… wait for it…. running. I’m having the same epiphany that I had two weeks ago when I reread Run Like a Mother. Except at the next level. I blame this on the integrated math system that the schools had when I was growing up. It was ‘learn just enough about trig to be confused’ before moving on to geometry for two weeks then on to some other type of math for three weeks. It’s no wonder I’m no good at math since all they did was teach it to the point of *almost* understanding before moving on. Repeat this from 6th grade to 12th. With each year assuming you understood (and remembered!) the two weeks of that particular branch of mathematics…

Anyway, my epiphanies tend to come in the same way: a bit now and a little more later, usually with a wide enough gap that it feels like a completely new epiphany.

The fact is, running has been a choice in my life. When you’re only racing the occasional 5k, that’s great. When you have your first half marathon in less than two months that approach isn’t going to fly. Running is no longer a choice. It’s okay if some days running feels like laundry (aka I’d really rather pass, thanks for asking). It’s okay if it sometimes gets to the point of dishes (aka What the hell? Didn’t I do this yesterday?). Mostly runs are more like cooking; initial dread/reluctance at the thought, but then while I’m doing it I remember that I really enjoy it and that the results of my efforts are always worth it.

No Meat Athlete wrote a somewhat similar post, but I haven’t read the whole thing yet (didn’t want to end up parroting his post). If I want to be ready for this race (read: finish the thing), then running is not a choice.

Today’s plan:  clean the kitchen AGAIN, write my stupid paper for tonight, try not to die in class, check Uwajimaya for paper lanterns, run.