Subtitled: really not interested in researching psychological disorders at the moment
After a few months of feeling sorry for myself because of my knee/hamstring lameness, it struck me that the real reason I wasn’t feeling better about my running was because I wasn’t running regularly. Funny how that works. I gave myself a dozen or more pep-talks trying to get myself back into that mental space of enjoying my runs. Turns out, talking (self or otherwise) does not activate the production and release of endorphins into the brain. You might think that is fairly self-evident, and I suppose you would be correct. I feel like I have a good understanding of the “if you don’t learn from your mistakes, you are doomed to repeat them” concept. Sometimes I feel like I have a sub or semiconscious need to double-check or triple check to make sure I’m drawing the correct conclusion from my mistakes.
The end of my pity party started when I finally picked up my copy of Run Like A Mother to reread it. The book is written by Dimity McDowell and Sarah Bowen Shea, to whom I was first introduced to in various articles out of Runner’s World. They are writers, wives, mothers, and most importantly runners. Or maybe it’s the combination of the last three aspects (since we all know the first doesn’t apply to moi). The first chapter was all I really needed. It is entitled “Running for Our Lives”. Both authors include essays about what running means to them. I’ll include what really sticks with me from each essay.
Up first is Dimity:
The trip-trap, trip-trap of my heels lulls me into a dreamy space where the reality of my ulcer-inducing life doesn’t faze me. Running is more powerful than any drug I’ve taken, and I’m fairly certain it’s the elixir that has allowed me to maintain a sliver of my former self-and my sanity… I don’t doubt myself in tough situations because I am a runner. I feel almost invincible because I’m a runner.
And now Sarah:
I need to get out and just be me, not the time-out-giver, snack-bestower, or boo-boo kisser. I want to be merely a woman in a running skirt, sweating out the stress so I can return ready for another trip to the playground… I also run to feel alive. To remind myself that I am a corporeal being, that I have a body… All my worries, internal debates, and concerns get tamped down by the rhythmic pounding of my feet. I love it.
There are probably a score or more of other underlined phrases throughout the rest of the book, but I’ll leave it here. Copyright issues and whatnot.
I think the magic is in seeing that, yes, it is a struggle for everyone. I know logically that making myself a priority is beneficial to everyone I interact with, but it is reassuring to see that I’m not the only one that struggles with it. Even though I know we all have our own dilemmas, the closer the circumstances of others are to our own, the more it resonates.
Even with a poopy run this morning, I’m still in love with running. I would really like for my iPod sensor to magically reappear. And I’ve discovered a down side to my Nike Frees. I don’t know what it is with the tread, but the gaps are HUUUUUUGE. I spend about 10 minutes after each run picking out pieces of gravel. Not a deal breaker, but gravel is permanently banned from my “awesome-est uses for rocks” list. Major blow to gravel’s self-esteem, that is.
And I am a Newtonian girl… I’m not apologizing to Madonna since she’s never apologized for her “acting”. To you I apologize: Hubs’ habit of singing songs with creative lyrics has obviously become a habit of mine. If only my habit of putting dirty laundry IN the hamper (instead of next to it) would become a habit of his.
I am of course referring to Newton’s Laws of Motion, specifically the first. It also happens to be the only one I’ve ever remembered. If you had my high school physics teacher you would realize that’s a huge accomplishment. Okay, I know the other two, but I wouldn’t have been able to name them as the 2nd and 3rd laws. Not even for Final Jeopardy. They were just two more random facts, buried in gray matter.
Hello, my name is Inertia. I’ve stopped moving. It has been either 8 days or an entire lifetime since my last run. On the one hand, I’m losing my mind. On the other much more frightening hand, I’m getting used to this. My weight seems to be fairly stable, although not drinking my water + light alcohol consumption + mini sodium binge = not gonna be pretty, no matter what. Tomorrow is scale day, so I’ll find out for real then. And I can find out just how much my breakfast and clothing weigh when I’m at the doctor. I’m curious anyway.
I haven’t worked out how I’m going to ease back into things, but I’ll figure it out tomorrow. Depending on the verdict, of course. He isn’t going to tell me to quit running. I know that. Even if that is his personal opinion, he won’t say it to me. He’s been the family doctor for too long to think I would listen to that sort of advice. My dad is very athletic and has a healthy (in my opinion) lack of respect for medical opinions. Doc knows where I come from. I think I’m a slightly better listener than my dad which is probably why he’s gung-ho about doctor visits while I wait until my appendix is exploding for the operation (true story). Regardless, he’s just going to give me some recommendations to make running more enjoyable (aka no screaming in pain). And I feel like I can be honest with him about what I’m willing to do (OTC orthotics are fine but I’m not getting custom ones).
I’m thinking about going vegetarian. I did it back in the day, but I didn’t do it right so it wasn’t healthy (bread and cheese are not the pillars of a healthy diet). I already don’t eat red meat or pork. I like chicken, but I’m not willing to touch it raw. I love me some sea kitten, so that will stay in my diet no matter what. I like eggs most of the time. Cheese and yogurt are my 4th and 9th true loves. I guess what I’m getting at is that I’m a long way from considering a vegan diet, but I’m fine with that. I actually don’t like the labels at all because I eat what I like, when I like. Which explains why I’m at the heavy end of my preferred weight range.
18 hours to go…
Apologies to Salt n Pepa and to anyone else who will have that song in their head for the next 6 hours…
You know the saying that women don’t sweat, they perspire? And that women in the South don’t perspire, they glow? I guess I’m not as far removed from my Southern roots as I thought. I don’t sweat. I drink around 100 oz. of water a day, plus the incidentals from green tea and my foods. Anything less than that and I can tell I’m dehydrated. But I don’t sweat. I get a glow but my body prefers to release heat in a much less flattering way. All of my blood rushes to my capillaries to release heat. And my circulatory system seems to be under the impression that the only place that heat can be released from is my face. So basically, I look like this little guy/gal, but with significantly less body hair (at least I have that going for me?) So not only do I run which is a complete anomaly in this neighborhood, but I look like that sad little uacari. That’s also how my skin reacts to being exposed to prolonged (read 30+ minutes) sunshine. I hold my north-Atlantic islander ancestors and the PNW weather equally responsible for that reaction.
I’m totally self-conscious about it. I will be lobster red and not out of breath. If I start thinking about it I can ruin my run. How’s that for not having gotten past the adolescent center-of-the-universe complex? I think it’s time to submit a photo to Operation Beautiful.
I’m not sure what to say or do about my knee. It hurt during my run today. It didn’t get progressively more painful, but it was enough to end my run early. I’ve read enough about knee injuries that I can’t pinpoint one as the issue. None of the descriptions really seem to mesh with my experiences. As a hypochondriac, I’m hesitantly self-diagnosing runner’s knee. I bought some tape so I’ll test that out today and tomorrow. Not much else to say. I feel like I’m in that no-man’s land between feeling healthy and being injured.
I’m going to whine for another minute here. Normally I would heed your voices (is it wrong I can hear you?) and make a doctor’s appointment. I’m super lucky that I’ve seen a GP who specializes in sports medicine since my age was measured in single digits. It’s not that great this time of year, though. He’s one of the alternate team doctors for the Mariners. Which means that he’s not usually the one you see on TV when one of them is injured (although I remember a while back there was a TB scare and he was on TV then), but he is unavailable during spring training. He isn’t in AZ the entire time, but it’s difficult to get an appointment with him. I’ve seen a few of the other doctors at his practice, but I am not as fond of them. Yet another reason I’m in limbo. On the other hand, it’s always fun to go in because all the rooms are decorated with different autographed photos, jerseys and/or baseballs. He’s got stuff from back when they had the royal blue and gold trident M. He also has some Seahawks and Sonics memorabilia. If only there were Sounders rooms, too.
I plan to continue running, but I might need to find a different half marathon. The one in Bellingham sounds nice, especially since I’ve got friends and family up there. Maybe something east of the mountains, depending on the season. I think I’m going to stop increasing my distance, at least until I can get an appointment. And possibly lay off the speed work except that it doesn’t seem to make things worse. Ugh. Enough is enough already!
In semi-related news, I registered as a Running Buddy with Girls on the Run! I’m really excited about it. The one that would be most convenient for me was already full, but the one I signed up for will still work really well for me and my crazy schedule.
In unrelated news, I’m having a blast at Day Zero. The idea is to create a list of 101 goals and complete them in 1001 days (2 3/4 years). Mine starts April 1st, and I’m only up to 35 goals so far. LOL Maybe I’m not motivated enough? It’s hard!
I might or might not ever settle on a layout. When I learn to design my own (yeah right) or WordPress creates the perfect one…